Tales of the Freak Show
by Kee-Kee de uth Mondar
Summary: A typical evening in the lives of Kee-Kee, Chippy, Ara, Ray-Ray, and Ramo (they're OC's) as they attempt to assassinate to evil business man Soby Timpson. Order of the Pheonix spoilers! Crossovers explained inside.
1. The Mission

Tales of the Freak Show This story has lots of crossovers, so to make it easier for everyone, we'll just say anything protected by a copyright belongs to someone else. If you didn't already know that, you need to get a life.  
  
I wrote this story over the summer while I was bored, and it is pretty weird. In a good way! Since not very many people know some of these characters, I've included a brief description for a few of them. Feel free to skip it.  
  
Porridge: Porridge is a good friend of Chippy's and a signature character of the Freak Show.  
  
Gerard uth Mondar: Although he has only been mentioned so far, he is Kee- Kee's boyfriend. A Knight of Solomnia (from the War of Souls series), Gerard unfortunately belongs to Margret Weis and Tracy Hickman, authors of the Dragonlance saga.  
  
Raistlin: Also from Dragonlance, Raistlin has gold skin, gold eyes, hourglass-shaped pupils ,and a bad cough. He and Ramo are dating.  
  
Neopia: Not a character, but the world from Neopets where the story takes place.  
  
Soby Timpson: Actually his name's Toby Simpson, and he's a real person. But I changed it since I didn't want it to sound like we were threatening him. . .  
  
Severus Snape: The potions teacher from the Harry Potter series  
  
Sirius Black: Another character from Harry Potter  
  
Komada: Komada is a character from the animie series Biohunter. He turns into a demon when he's pissed off, and at one point in the movie he's dying. For some reason it shows him floating upside down naked.Then his girlfriend says "Don't die!". Then he's flying toward a light because he must not die. And he's still naked. Therefore, that's how he appears in the story.  
  
FINALLY: TO THE STORY!!!  
  
Chippy took one last look around the darkened room. The bed was made, the computer was off, and the food storage system was running.  
  
"Are you sure you don't need me to come with you?" her best friend, The Gay Bowl of Porridge asked.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure. Remember to feed Becky and don't let anyone know that I'm not here. Make some noise once in a while so my parents don't know I've left. I'll call you when I get to Neopia," Chippy told him.  
  
"Farewell, Chippy. Good luck!"  
  
Chippy closed the door behind her and checked the lock. She wasn't worried about intruders though. Porridge and Becky, her rabbit, could keep anyone out. Chippy padded silently down the dimly lit hall. She was short and thin with the ears of a chipmunk. Her long golden hair was pulled back into a bun and she was dressed in a long green skirt and an ivory tank top. It wasn't really her style, but it made her look sweet and innocent.  
  
Although she had only just started seventh grade, Chippy was a wealthy business woman. Few knew it, but the Explosives, Etc. company, located on a private island in the Caribbean, was owned by the chipmunk-eared girl. She had used a very small portion of last month's profits to buy a small jet and hire herself an instructor.  
  
Now she was boarding the plane in the middle of the night. It could seat six people in the cabin and maybe a body with the luggage in the overhead compartments. The body would have to be cut up, but still. . . The plane was painted purple with yellow trim. Two propellers were mounted on the wings. Inside, the jet was like a very small house, complete with a refrigerator, table, a set of bunk beds, and a tiny bathroom. The seats were black velvet and the rest of the interior was pale leather with aqua paneling. All the latest technology was on board.  
  
No one was there to stop Chippy as she rolled down the runway.  
  
Chippy liked flying. It was peaceful up in the sky. Tonight was clear. The moon was full and drenched the few clouds in silver light. Peak Town was a cluster of tiny lights below her. The hours drifted past. Soon the sun lit the horizon, staining the sky pink and purple.  
  
Chippy yanked a map out of her bag. Just another twenty minutes until she reached Neopia.  
  
After a smooth landing, she called The Gay Bowl of Porridge as promised. "Now can you tell me about your mission? Why did you have to leave in the middle of the night?"  
  
"Well, to make a long story short, we have to assassinate some fools here in Neopia. I wanted to be here first thing in the morning. You know I like to get an early start on my projects," Chippy explained.  
  
Another, considerably smaller, portion of Chippy's income came from assassinations. She was the best of the best among assassins. The business ran in her blood.  
  
She promised Porridge that she would call him regularly, Chippy boarded a bus heading for Neopia Central. She would mingle with the commoners to avoid drawing attention to herself. She got off and stopped by a little cafe for breakfast. Chippy selected a small table near the large window so that she could watch what was going on. A waitress took her order as the inhabitants of Neopia scurried off to work in suits and skirts. A cheese omelette and a hot coffee perked her right up.  
  
Then she went to find Kee-Kee.  
  
As promised, Chippy's sister was waiting in her small apartment at 666 Dead End Drive.  
  
"Chippy! Glad you could make it!" Kee-Kee said gleefully.  
  
The main room of the apartment had a hardwood floor and walls painted to look like stone. Kee-Kee had covered a large portion of the floor with expensive antique rugs. The walls were lined with bookcases and the limited space left was concealed beneath paintings. Some of the artwork was famous, and some had been painted by Kee-Kee herself. A computer sat in a cluttered corner, and a darkened doorway led to other parts of the apartment. Like Chippy, Kee-Kee was very wealthy. She could have built the largest mansion in Neopia. But she preferred her little apartment.  
  
"Ramodaous, Ara, and Ray-Ray will meet us here this evening," Kee-Kee informed the chipmunk girl.  
  
Kee-Kee also had blond hair, but she wore hers shoulder-length. She had greenish eyes and a dusting of freckles. She was a foot or so taller than Chippy as well.  
  
"So what's my assignment?" Chippy asked.  
  
"We're targeting Soby Timpson, creator of Creature Labs and Telly Belly, spokesperson of the Faerie Guild." Kee-Kee filled her sister in as she led Chippy to the guest bedroom.  
  
"Sounds OK," Chippy commented, dumping her bags on the floor. "Where are they?"  
  
"They will both be attending a party at the guild headquarters tonight."  
  
Kee-Kee pulled two slips of silvery paper out of the pocket of her jeans. It was adorned with fancy black script. "Ray-Ray was kind enough to get us tickets," she said with an evil grin. 


	2. Meetings

As the sun set, the girls descended to the to the first floor of the apartment building where they were to meet their friends. Chippy wore a red dress that was long enough to conceal a black band with weapons tucked into it. Kee-Kee's silky black gown brushed the floor. Lalaputza, Kee-Kee's chia and escort, carried Kee-Kee's equipment which was disguised to look like Battledome weapons.  
  
The large glass doors at the other end of the lobby were thrown open, and Ara strode in, silver skirt swirling around her. Her long, dark hair framed her heavily freckled face.  
  
"Chippy! Kee-Kee! Good to see you!" she called. "Come on. Ramo and Ray-Ray are waiting in the car!  
  
The three young women made their way down the darkened sidewalk. Their fancy shoes clicked on the cool pavement. Lalaputza stumbled along after the girls.  
  
A deep blue van was parked in a dark ally. Ara jerked the side door open and shoved various items off the seats to make sitting room. Ramo was watching cartoons on a small TV built into the interior. Ray-Ray was updating her website on a black high-tech laptop. Ramo's brother Mike was driving. As usual, he was clad in a trench coat and combat boots.  
  
After the group exchanged greetings, Mike stomped on the gas pedal, and the vehicle lurched forward. They sped toward the guild headquarters. Most people in Neopia relied on public transportation, and since rush hour was over, the streets were clear. Mike stopped in front of the headquarters to let the girls out. Then he drove off into the night.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was brightly lit inside the guild headquarters. Colorful banners hung from the ceiling. Chippy had never been inside the massive structure. A polished white marble floor complemented the ivory and gold walls. At least a hundred tables draped with multicolored silk were scattered throughout the spacious dining room.  
  
"Wow!" Chippy exclaimed. "This place is beautiful!"  
  
"There are parties here all the time," Ray-Ray told Chippy, "but usually only guild leaders are invited. For big events like this, the leaders can sometimes purchase extra tickets."  
  
Ara ran up, slightly breathless. "Kee-Kee and I have found us a spot. Hurry before someone tries to take it!" she gasped.  
  
"It's really crowded in here already," Ramo remarked.  
  
"Sure is," Chippy replied as they waded through the mass of well-dressed people and their Neopets.  
  
All of the girls were Anti-Tableists, so the 'spot' Ara had referred to was a shadowy corner next to a large fireplace. There were no furnishings other than a soft oriental rug. Kee-Kee was sitting in front of the crackling fire and chatting with a figure in the shadows.  
  
"Chicken Man!" Ramo shrieked. She ran over and threw her arms around the person.  
  
"Good evening, Raistlin," Ray-Ray declared, taking a seat beside Kee-Kee. "We didn't expect to see you here."  
  
Raistlin managed to free himself from Ramo's grip and inched into the firelight. His golden eyes and skin glittered in the orange glow.  
  
"You didn't?" he questioned. "I've been Neomailing you and Kee-Kee for about a month."  
  
There was a pause. Ramo put a arm around the mage.  
  
"Really?" Kee-Kee sounded puzzled.  
  
Understanding suddenly sparked in Ray-Ray's eyes.  
  
"You're that crysania_hater666 who keeps sending me messages! And you're the leader of the Mages Against Paladine guild!" she triumphantly declared.  
  
"I thought you two would have guessed," Raistlin said.  
  
"Not everyone's as smart as my Raistlin," Ramo mumbled.  
  
"Oh. . . Now I feel really bad," Kee-Kee grumbled in a sheepish voice.  
  
"Why's that?" Ara inquired.  
  
"Well," Kee-Kee started, a blush creeping onto her face, "when strangers send me mail and I don't know why, it makes me mad. I didn't know it was Raistlin, so I called the fertilizer company and asked that a truckload of dung be delivered to crysania_hater666's house. . ."  
  
Silence followed Kee-Kee's statement. Raistlin tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace.  
  
"It wouldn't have been a big deal, but I was on vacation. Try leaving several hundred pounds of dung in your yard for two weeks. It was a nightmare to clean up."  
  
Chippy tactfully changed the subject. "With the possible exception of Raistlin, I think we're all here for the same reason."  
  
"To eliminate Woo By, a.k.a Telly Belly, and Soby Timpson?" Ramo replied.  
  
"Yes. Why must they be disposed of?"  
  
"Do the servers ever come over here?" Ray-Ray interrupted. "I'm starving!"  
  
"So am I! These tickets were expensive! The least they could do is feed us!" Kee-Kee added.  
  
"Anti-Tableists have rights too!" Ray-Ray declared. "We'll be back after we set these people straight!"  
  
Both she and Kee-Kee were on their feet. Ray-Ray's flowing green skirt billowed behind her. The effect made her look rather scary. Lalaputza handed her owner what looked like a harmless rainbow gun. But, knowing Kee- Kee it was probably an AK-47. Ray-Ray appeared to be unarmed, but there had to be some sort of weapon concealed somewhere.  
  
"See you guys later!" Kee-Kee said in a sweet voice.  
  
They were off in a swirl of green and black.  
  
"OK. . . back to the original topic," Ara continued. "Creature Labs was shut down recently on Timpson's order. Ramo and her fellow Docking Station players were devastated. Kee-Kee worked with them to develop Soby Timpson: Project Revenge."  
  
"And what about this Telly Belly person?" Chippy demanded.  
  
"She's dating Timpson," Ramo explained. "She and Kee-Kee are enemies. Might as well get rid of her to."  
  
"Sounds good. We'll get to work after the party."  
  
Raistlin coughed and began making tea.  
  
Just then, Kee-Kee and Ray-Ray returned. Both were grinning broadly.  
  
"Some waiters should be right over. And with a bit of "persuasion" they agreed to give us a refund on our tickets!" Ray-Ray sounded extremely pleased with herself.  
  
"And look who we found while we were wandering around!" Kee-Kee cried, gesturing towards a man that the others had not noticed before.  
  
He wore long black robes that made his pale face appear yellowish. His longish black hair was greasy looking and black eyes gleamed.  
  
"Severus!" Chippy blurted. "Please, sit down!"  
  
Professor Snape carefully seated himself on the rug. Kee-Kee and Ray-Ray were already sprawled out across it.  
  
"I really liked your part in Order of the Phoenix!" Ramo told him. "But I was wondering, were you stripped nude in front of half the school?"  
  
Raistlin, who had been paying little attention to the group, watched intently to see how Snape would respond.  
  
"Oh, that incident. . . Of all the memories J.K. Rowling could have written about, she had to pick THAT ONE!!!" Severus's face flushed, although it was impossible to tell if it was from anger or embarrassment. "Yes, James did expose me," Snape snickered. "I think I permanently damaged his ego."  
  
"That must have been horrible," Ara remarked.  
  
"Not really. I got a date with the head of the Slytherin cheerleading squad, and eighty-two other girls asked me out."  
  
"Who was the cheerleader?" Raistlin wondered aloud.  
  
"Lucius Malfoy," Seeing the looks on their faces he added. "He IS a woman."  
  
"Did you know that half of the people who read Harry Potter write fan fiction about you?" Kee-Kee probed.  
  
"Really? They do?" Severus was obviously surprised.  
  
"Well yeah!" Ray-Ray snapped. "Do you ever get online?"  
  
"Um. . . No."  
  
Ray-Ray pulled her sleek black laptop out of her bag and flipped it on.  
  
"The good news is, lots of people are in love with you," Kee-Kee notified Severus, "the bad news is, half of the other half think you're gay."  
  
"For example, read this," Ray-Ray brought up a fan fiction entitled "Twins".  
  
Horror spread across Severus's pale face as he read the the graphic SLASH piece. Ray-Ray proceeded to show him "Confessions" and "Confessions Part II", although she wisely left out the fact that she, Ara, Kee-Kee, and Ramo had written the second part.  
  
Though he was traumatized by the fan fiction, Snape was flattered by his adoring fans. With renewed confidence, he said that he would stop by later after finding a date.  
  
"How come he gets all the fans?" Raistlin sourly asked.  
  
"Don't be sad, Raistlin," Kee-Kee murmured in a fake sympathetic voice. "Lots of people feel the same way about you!"  
  
"Yeah, some people think you're hot and some think you're gay," Chippy mumbled.  
  
Raistlin choked on his tea.  
  
Ramo was highly offended. "No one except ME is allowed to call Raistlin hot, and he is NOT gay!"  
  
"I was just telling him. . ." Chippy squeaked.  
  
"No one writes much sick fan fiction about Raistlin," Ara pointed out.  
  
The black-robed mage slunk back into the shadows.  
  
At long last, a waiter came and took the groups' orders. He looked like he was afraid of the assembled party. It didn't help that Kee-Kee was raving about slow service.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Ramo gasped, staring out the window. 


	3. Mothmen

"What?" Kee-Kee asked following Ramo's gaze.  
  
Everyone turned and stared at an object outside the window that was drawing nearer and nearer. With the tinkling of shattered glass hitting the floor, a flying naked man crashed through the large, high window. He landed softly on the rug.  
  
"Uh, hi, Komada," Kee-Kee mumbled, looking embarrassed because everyone in the room was staring. "Shouldn't you put some clothes on?"  
  
"Komada!" Snape cried in horror as he fought his way through the crowd. A young woman in a revealing, short white dress clung to his arm.  
  
"Severus! Good to see you, dear cousin!" Komada yelled, completely unembarrassed that he was unclothed.  
  
"You guys are cousins?" Ramo grilled.  
  
"I noticed that you two looked alike, but I didn¹t know you were related. . ." Kee-Kee observed.  
  
"Yes, Sev is my mother's brother's son. Now, if you excuse me, I must fly to the light for I must not die!"  
  
"My name is not Sev!" Severus bellowed as Komada took off.  
  
Komada soared through the air and right into the huge chandelier. There was a buzzing sound and a bright flash. The power went out. People were screaming.  
  
"Come on, we have to do something!" Kee-Kee hissed.  
  
Ramo and Chippy trailed her through the mass of people to where Komada lay sprawled on the ground. Chippy checked his pulse.  
  
"He¹s OK!" she declared.  
  
People were fumbling around in the dark and knocking into the girls. They could hear Ara screaming at people, trying to get them out of their corner.  
  
"We have to get him home," Ramo shouted over the voices of the other guests.  
  
"Let¹s start by bringing him outside," Kee-Kee ordered.  
  
Kee-Kee grasped Komada¹s arms, and Chippy and Ramo each seized an ankle. The girls carefully stepped around the larger pieces of broken glass from the chandelier as they lugged the unconscious man toward the door. Instead of staying still, some of the more unintelligent men and women were scurrying around, making the going difficult.  
  
"Good thing it's dark," Chippy announced. "This wouldn't be a nice view."  
  
"You can say that again," Ramo grunted. "Now if it were Raistlin. . ."  
  
"Raistlin wears clothes in public," Kee-Kee pointed out.  
  
"True."  
  
A man with a flashlight and a megaphone stood near the door trying to give orders. But a huge woman dressed in purple knocked him over. The girls narrowly avoided her.  
  
Finally they staggered out into the cool night air. The street lights made it brighter outside than in.  
  
"Now what?" Chippy breathed as they spread Komada out on the ground.  
  
"I¹ll call Mike and ask him to take Komada home," Ramo stated. "Do you have your cell phone, Chippy?"  
  
Chippy slid it out of her gown's waistband.  
  
Ten minutes later, Mike pulled up, looking less than happy about his task. But Ramo offered to pay him a considerable amount of money, so he was helping out.  
  
"Tell that friend he lives with to keep better track of him." Kee-Kee instructed. "I don¹t care if he's a "Biohunter", he can¹t just go flying around at night!"  
  
The lights inside the guild headquarters flickered on.  
  
"OK," Mike said with a trace of reluctance in his voice. "I want my money tomorrow, Ramo."  
  
He slammed the door and sped off, leaving the girls in a cloud of exhaust fumes. 


End file.
